According to the American Society on Aging, 14% of family caregivers — approximately 7.2 million people — identify as Black. Due to decades of discriminatory lending practices and accelerated foreclosures on Black-owned homes by banks and tax authorities, Black families are more likely to rent than own homes. With the rising cost of rent across the country, many families with care relationships may be facing housing insecurity.
"Equipping Black middle-class caregivers with knowledge and resources is not on its own all that's required to allow them to pursue the highest possible quality of life ... it will be necessary to disassemble systemic oppression and unethical practices,"Homeless shelters are not equipped to help older adults in poor physical or mental health. Groups like Habitat for Humanity are discussing pathways to home ownership for Black Americans, particularly those on the cusp of becoming "housing insecure," meaning they have missed a mortgage or rent payment or are certain to do so next month.
Sacrificing for the Family
These programs may create generational wealth, which benefits caregivers, many of whom have had to sacrifice opportunities to access homeownership and its subsequent wealth because of their caregiving commitments within the family.
Middle-class renters of all races may benefit from learning about programs that provide rental assistance and equip people with the resources to access home ownership and pass down generational wealth, while continuing to be able to provide care in their homes and communities rather than move older relatives into institutions (the preference of 88% of Americans, according to a nationwide survey by the University of Michigan).
However, many Black family caregivers may find themselves unable to tap into existing resources for homeownership unless they are facing abject poverty. To avoid ending up in such a precarious situation, it is important to understand the contributing factors and potential solutions.
Black Women and Care
Black women are more likely than their white counterparts to provide unpaid care for an aging or disabled family member, according to research published in the journal Gerontology. Because of caregiving responsibilities, many Black women are forced to leave the workforce, thus sacrificing prime earning years to ensure their family member is well cared for and safe.
"Quality of life desires means quality of life choices are limited."
Those who remain in the labor market often fall victim to the gender and racial wealth gap, earning just 69 cents for every dollar earned by white men.
Furthering the inequity is the often-gendered cultural concept of familialism, which puts the needs of the family ahead of the desires of individual members. Eldest and only daughters are expected to put personal goals such as savings, retirement and home ownership aside if another family member needs care. This helps explain why 75% of unpaid caregivers are women.
Black and immigrant women are also more likely to be employed outside the house as care workers in facilities for children as well as older adults, for which many are paid poverty-level wages, according to research by the Paraprofessional Healthcare Institute (PHI).
The fact that these essential workers are not being paid the living wages they deserve for jobs that can be emotionally and physically demanding adds to the inequity of Black family caregivers who are forced by circumstances to take these types of jobs.
Whether because they have poor credit or are not eligible for federal grants, Black caregivers are struggling to attain the elusive American dream.
Additionally, Black families may find themselves in personal homes where they are unable to make necessary modifications as inhabitants age or become disabled. If they are unable to create a more accommodating home by adding ramps and grab bars or remodeling a bathroom, for example, they may need to seek new housing for which they may be financially underqualified.
Home and community-based services (HCBS) like home modifications or in-home care are also commonly out of reach for many older adults and their families because they are not paid for by Medicare and many middle-class families are not eligible for the Medicaid waivers through which most HCBS programs are accessed.
Sanctioned Discrimination
Without access to generational wealth, middle-class Black women caregivers are at risk of living on the financial bubble, where they do not have the funds needed to buy a home but make too much to qualify for most government-funded housing programs. Whether because they have poor credit or are not eligible for federal grants, Black caregivers are struggling to attain the elusive American dream.
Overall home ownership by Black Americans over 65 has declined from nearly 70% in 2005 to 53.6% in 2019, Odette Williamson of the National Consumer Law Center said in a 2023 presentation to the Columbia Aging Center.
Black caregivers who expect to inherit a relative's home may receive devastating news if the relative passed away before transferring the property deed to the caregiver or preparing a will instructing the executor to do so.
Sad Surprise of a 'Tangled Title'
The result is a situation called "heirs' property" or "tangled title," which means a deceased person's name is on the title to property occupied by someone else. Property cannot easily be sold or transferred with a tangled title; it is one of the leading barriers to homeownership among Black adults.
Black caregivers also encounter hurdles when they try to rent homes. Linda Couch, of Leading Age, said in a 2023 presentation for Columbia University's Age Boom Academy, that the 2.7 million units participating in the Department of Housing & Urban Development's Housing Choice Vouchers program (more commonly known as Section 8) are too few to house all the qualifying low-income residents, leaving middle-class Blacks with limited options for housing.
A Path to Housing Liberation
While little progress has been made in increasing housing options for the Black middle class, there are groups and organizations examining potential solutions to the housing crisis that group faces. Chanee Fabius, an assistant professor in the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, has said that the biggest barriers to obtaining home and community-based services include access to and the stigma around Medicaid programs.
"You see this every time there's a recession or housing crisis. Majority African-American neighborhoods take a harder hit."
However, increasing access to HCBS education for Black middle-class families may mean that families are less likely to engage in Medicaid spend-down — state programs that allow people to subtract non-covered medical expenses and Medicare cost-sharing fees from their income in order to become eligible for Medicaid services.
If fewer middle-class Black families participate in Medicaid spend-down, those who own homes may find themselves better situated to maintain ownership and pass that home along to family caregivers. When asked how to best mass-educate Black and brown communities, she challenged families to have serious discussions and "keep pressing the issue around what people actually want to do so I can get you access."
Homes Don't Meet Homeowners' Needs
In a 2023 interview, Rodney Harrell, who leads housing initiatives for AARP, described the greatest obstacle to housing for the Black middle class. "The fact that many of the homes we have don't meet the needs over time," he said. "You see this every time there's a recession or housing crisis. Majority African-American neighborhoods take a harder hit."
He goes on to explain that people who want to create a better life for their families but have even more compromises are limited in where they can go. "Quality of life desires means quality of life choices are limited." Harrell mentions things like the inability to access the second floor of one's home, modify one's home, or choose a new home greatly impact quality of life for Black Americans.
Accommodations called accessory dwelling units (ADUs) — such as an attached apartment or an in-law suite – are often not options in predominantly African-American communities because of local zoning laws. The American Planning Association tracks the legacy of limiting housing options in historically Black communities through zoning barriers, Harrell says. At the same time, groups such as AARP are exploring other affordable housing options, like duplexes and triplexes.
Inform Yourself, Reform the Law
Harrell, like Fabius and other experts, also call on renters and homebuyers to learn about neighborhoods before choosing to move in to them. For example, the AARP Livability Index, an easy-to-use online tool, can instantly show data on affordability, transportation, housing and safety, as well as pollution, access to health care, parks, libraries, grocery stores and other factors in a city, a neighborhood or a particular street.
Equipping Black middle-class caregivers with knowledge and resources is not on its own all that's required to allow them to pursue the highest possible quality of life. To completely address the cumulative disadvantages of people who belong to historically disenfranchised groups, it will be necessary to disassemble systemic oppression and unethical practices, such as redlining.


Curing the Crises: Caregiving, Housing and the Black Middle Class

Aisha Adkins

While there are no dramatic estrangement narratives nor closet demons in my family, we are not especially close. I used to feel this was a unique and uncommon scenario; that there was something wrong with us. As I researched and talked to others, I found that notion to be categorically untrue – and more common than I realized.
"I always want to know the why of something; why things turned out the way they did, even if a true 'why' proves elusive. If I were to figure out why, perhaps I would know how to remedy it."Marta told me about her 88-year-old father who moved in with her last summer because he was getting a divorce; something she never expected or wanted.
"We love each other and get along but are we close? He understands so little about my life because over the decades I've told him little." 
"We love each other and get along but are we close? He understands so little about my life because over the decades I've told him little," she said. He doesn't really want to live with her either but they both work on accepting their situation.
"I don't want anything to happen to him, but the idea of living like this for years is daunting to me," Marta said. 
Deb takes care of her one remaining parent, who has dementia and gave her power of attorney, a responsibility that she says has taken her life from her. Though she has siblings, being responsible and "the good kid" made her parents assume she would be the one to handle everything at the end of their lives. Now, all her dreams and goals are on the back burner.
"I do love and care for my mother. But I have more years behind me than ahead of me - and I have a feeling I'll be caring for her until I'm 80 years old," Deb said. "I would be lying if I didn't say I hold some resentment because of that."
Judy is the health care proxy for her 80-year-old father who has Alzheimer's. She, too, harbors some resentment but for very different reasons. Her father failed to protect her when she was young, kicking her out of the house when her college grades dropped and expressing judgement about the way she lived her life.
Layers of Complexity 
"I don't hate him but being put in the position of parenting him now really sucks. I do it out of guilt," she said. Judy describes her father as a difficult person; not mean but not warm; masking his feelings with sarcasm and bad jokes. She doesn't have kids of her own, in part, she admitted, because she doesn't want to perpetuate the cycle of violence she grew up in.
All of these situations add layers of complexity (and all sorts of emotions) when faced with figuring out how to care for an aging parent, especially when they fall ill. It's difficult to determine the "right" course of action(s).
For me, I always want to know the why of something; why things turned out the way they did, even if a true 'why' proves elusive. If I were to figure out why, perhaps I would know how to remedy it.
Non-Dramatic Reasons Families Grow Apart 
Physical distance is the most obvious cause simply because it translates into fewer opportunities for people to connect.
It's not only the children who may not interact but also the parents; an important distinction when it comes to guilt.
Other reasons include generational differences, family divorce or just general discontent and unhealthy feelings in regard to family involvement, said Renee A. Exelbert, psychologist at The  Metamorphosis Center for Psychological and Physical Change in New York.  
Adults who had difficult childhoods often felt better and emotionally healthier outside of their home, she explained, adding that people focus on individual therapy and figuring out what works best for them. This often means getting rid of relationships that don't meet their needs.
Some people also become invested in being isolated, Patricia Pitta, clinical and couple and family psychologist in Manhasset, New York, told me.
"People become institutionalized to being able to be alone (which many experienced during COVID)," Pitta said. "People grow apart; lives take on tempos of their own."  
There could also be a shift in goals or life directions, said Tarra Bates-Duford, psychologist at Family Matters Counseling Group in Raleigh, North Carolina, or sometimes a misunderstanding that was never fully teased out.
Different things become important as you go through the life cycle, Pitta explained. It's not only the children who may not interact but also the parents; an important distinction when it comes to guilt. After all, phones (and trains and planes) go both ways.
Life pulls us in different directions. To combat that (if someone decides they want to), involves making a conscious choice to change that trajectory.
"People have to put out the effort," said Pitta. "They have to make the time." This seems obvious but, as most people know, it's easy to perpetually decide to make that phone call tomorrow.
This seems obvious but, as most people know, it's easy to perpetually decide to make that phone call tomorrow.
Pitta also pointed out most people repeat the structure they grew up with. For example, those who were brought up to be independent, both emotionally and otherwise, likely don't call their parents much when they go off to school. Some parents can't wait until their kids leave so they can travel the world.
When the Void Grows 
"As the void gets wider, no one talks about it," said Bates-Duford, "They assume the other person knows what they're thinking and feeling." Going on and on without discussing the lack of contact means eventually it becomes your new normal.
To alter the situation, the most important thing, according to Bates-Duford, is to acknowledge the distance. The worst thing you can do is pretend it doesn't exist.
"Not only is that a denial, but it's a minimization of your feelings and your parents' feelings," she said. She explained it like this: everything that happens or doesn't happen in our lives affects who we are and if we don't acknowledge these things, we're working with older versions of ourselves and our parents.
Guilt and Regret
If considerable time has passed and you're faced with deciding how to deal with your aging and/or ill parents, what do you do with the onslaught of emotions? Especially the guilt.
"It's much easier to say I'm [feeling] guilty about something than I'm angry," said Pitta, "Usually anger is under the guilt; either at the self or the situation."
Exelbert says it's common (and expected) to feel regret, shame, anger, frustration and ultimately anxiety especially over possible rejection when you do reach out.
"There's a lot of ambivalence about whether or not to leave things as is," she said.
Figure out what your expectations are for the relationship, Exelbert told me, and analyze if the expectations are normative. Many people's perceptions of others' relationships are skewed. In other words, don't believe everything you see on an Instagram reel.
"I think as we grow older, the beautiful things shine through more. Hopefully there's forgiveness of the imperfections and more of an understanding that life is really hard."
Also, she added, realize that you're probably not going to get all your needs met as far as this particular relationship goes, and you need to be okay with that. You can't fully change someone just as they cannot fully change you.
If You Want to Reconnect, Here's How 
Consider small gestures like a post card, a letter or short phone call. Ask questions about your childhood or family history if you're comfortable going that route, suggested Exelbert. Allow space in your heart for some forgiveness if you're able.
"I think as we grow older, the beautiful things shine through more. Hopefully there's forgiveness of the imperfections and more of an understanding that life is really hard," said Exelbert.
And again, manage expectations. Are you hoping for a full-blown relationship? Forgiveness? A relationship to be back to the way it was or one you always wanted but never had? Is there a mutual goal?
That mutual goal thing is key.
Pitta says she gets many calls from parents, (especially when an illness happens) who want to have sessions with their adult children to reconnect, redefine and renavigate their next stage of life. She likened this to the need for people to have a financial planner.
"They seek out an emotional planner," she said. In her sessions, she guides them to talk about roles; how they saw each other and interacted and the issues and difficulties.
"Everybody has their own pain history in a relationship."
'Pain Often Looks Like Anger' 
Pain often looks like anger, said Bates-Duford.
"And we don't necessarily have to understand a feeling to respect it. But we do need to talk about it if we want to change things, even small things. As long as you hold onto guilt, for instance, there's no room for anything else. The more we carry, the more difficult it is to grab happiness or success," she said.
She continued, "I don't think there's truly any way to 'make up' for mistakes of the past (yours or your parents) but I do think there's a way toward something new if (and this is a big if), that is something that's important to you. Talking can be hard. Change is always hard."
According to Exelbert, "At least when you try, there's possibility."
In "An American Prayer," Jim Morrison, the lead singer of The Doors, who my mom loves, wrote: "Did you have a good world when you died? Enough to base a movie on?"
I think about this a lot. Not the movie part but the good world part. And I think that is all anyone of us can wish for — for ourselves and our parents — and whatever it may mean for each of us.


Navigating Relationships With Aging Parents When You Aren't Close

Vanessa Nirode

Aleeza Ben Shalom in the Netflix series, Jewish MatchmakingWhen it comes to dating, mating, love and romance, there are a variety of methods to help you get out of your own way and safely find success in what can be a complicated undertaking – especially if you're over 50.
Hit Netflix shows like "Jewish Matchmaking" and "Indian Matchmaking" have only stoked public interest in topics like upping your game, understanding the pitfalls of dating and doing all of this with your eyes wide open.
Aleeza Ben Shalom, the host of "Jewish Matchmaking" and a dating coach with nearly 20 years of experience, helps her clients, Netflix viewers and large groups who gather to hear her speak about how to navigate the world of dating. Her guidance applies to a variety of circumstances too, whether someone is approaching dating on their own or with the help of friends and family, dating sites and/or an experienced matchmaker.
"Almost anything is easier than finding your person. It's about bringing two completely different worlds together and saying, 'We are going to make this work.'"
The mother of five is able to travel the globe for her speaking engagements because of the support of her loving husband of 21 years, Gershon Ben Shalom, whose close friends and family members call "the definite lid to Aleeza's pot."
Some of our grandmas used to say that at any age, "there's more than a lid for every pot." Ben Shalom believes in just one lid at a time. "This is how soulmates work," she said. "I have matched people from ages 19 to 88; there is always a possibility for you to meet your special someone."
She is quick to share that finding love is difficult at any age and that as you get older, there can be additional "baggage" to consider such as grown children, grandchildren, family members who don't approve, health issues, finances and being able to blend two lifestyles.
"Almost anything is easier than finding your person," she explains. "It's about bringing two completely different worlds together and saying, 'We are going to make this work.'"
A Shabbat Dinner Lasts a Lifetime
Rachelle Savitz, now 58, was a widow when Aleeza Ben Shalom invited her and another friend, Larry Ellis, to a Shabbat (Friday night) dinner in suburban Philadelphia in 2007. Rachelle said she had no interest in dating, let alone being married again.
Larry, now 70, was on the heels of a difficult divorce and felt the same way. Both of them reluctantly went to the home of Ben Shalom and her supportive husband, Gershon, but fate had other plans.
"The first thing I noticed about Larry is that he seemed like he was an extremely kind person," explains Rachelle. "He was easy to talk to and kept the conversation going. He was interested in me and my being an engineer, and our twelve-year age difference did not bother him."
"I believe that no one should be alone in this world." 
Larry says that Rachelle is a good listener with a very positive attitude. "I was reluctant to consider dating at first, but I believe that no one should be alone in this world. It was bashert (meant to be or intended in Yiddish). Two women (and two men) were invited to dinner that memorable night and I immediately gravitated toward Rachelle."
This doesn't mean that their love story felt like a romance novel. Rachelle's daughter was 14 when the couple met and 15 when they got married. "It had been the two of us for six years and she wanted me to wait until she graduated from high school," explains Rachelle. "I knew that I would have to walk a tightrope between the two of them, so it was tricky, but I was sure that Larry was the right person. If it is important to you, you find a way."
From left, Jessica Temple, with her mother Rachelle, and stepfather, Larry EllisLarry and Rachelle have been happily married for 15 years, and hope that everyone who is looking is able to find their special someone.
"The key to a successful marriage is the ability to change as you go through life together. Neither of you will be the same person five or ten years down the road as you are today," explains Larry. "Understand that things are going to change. Health issues or work problems may come up and you need the ability to adapt to unforeseen things and look to new beginnings."
For Rachelle, this all boils down to trust. "It is even more important than loving each other. When I realized early on that I could trust Larry, I knew that I could marry him," she says.
Ben Shalom says that the idea of the Shabbat dinner match is to take the pressure off a blind date, and she is thrilled with the results with Rachelle and Larry Ellis. "Matching them is the best feeling in the world; they are the sweetest couple," she says. 
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Many people find the idea of a matchmaker extremely old-fashioned and have images of the old lady in the 1964 Broadway musical "Fiddler on the Roof," which became a hit movie in 1971. But Ben Shalom brought this ancient practice back into vogue many years ago. To date, she has proudly been responsible for more than 200 matches.
On her Netflix series "Jewish Matchmaking," she asks numerous questions and takes copious notes to discover exactly what the singles are looking for in a prospective life partner, and sprinkles in some prayer, magic and luck.
"When in doubt, go out."
The conversations with the singles who are looking for love, romance and marriage focus on chemistry, connection, attraction, values, likes and dislikes, commitment and working to make dating less stressful.
Ben Shalom likes to say, "When in doubt, go out. If it's not a definite no, it's a yes for now. Date differently and give them a chance. Anyone can stick two people together," Ben Shalom explains during the first episode. "The question is, how do they stay together for a lifetime?"
Bring Your Baggage, Dating Is Worth It
While Rachelle and Larry went forward with their relationship in spite of their baggage, some women and men over 50 shy away from dipping their toes in the dating pool because of it. Grandchildren, debt, wealth, health problems or intrusive family members are likelier issues when you're over 50.
So, does that preclude the match or the happily ever after?
Ben Shalom says that just because there are different considerations now as opposed to when you you were going through dating and mating rituals for the first time, you don't have to put the kibosh on finding love.
"You just have to understand that it's different. I think as we get older, we have to evaluate more than just personality; it's also about values, fears, who they are, what they want and all the baggage that comes along with this relationship, which may be the second or third in your life."
You don't have to put the kibosh on finding love
When it comes to red flags, she talks to everyone about what to look out for, "but even more so when it comes to those over fifty."
"The questions to ask are: what have they dealt with before? What has been significant for them? What have they missed before? What are the issues or the challenges that they've had? And how can we [my match-making team] help them to not make those same mistakes again?"
Ben Shalom said that as a group, people over 50 are more willing to be matched and marry than those in their 20s and 30s. "People in their 20s get the most attention and help with finding their match," she explains. "Then it starts to dip down from there, and there is less support the older you get. Even when it comes to the online sites, a lot of them are marketing to the younger singles."
For people over 50, Ben Shalom explains that support is key — from matchmakers; programs that offer speed dating, online, or in-person help; or from friends and family.
"My team and I have worked really hard to create programs that include [people over 50] and to take into consideration that some 50s date down, some 50s date the same, and then some date up, so it kind of depends on their preference," she says. "But everywhere we go this group is very happy to have all different kinds of programming."
Hosting a Hit Netflix Show and a World Speaking Tour
Ben Shalom has her eyes on a book, continues her matchmaking coaching business "Marriage Minded Mentor," and would love a second season of her hit Netflix show, or a different reality show that helps people find their special someone, as long as the project is something she considers meaningful.
She has been touring the world on a speaking tour with her program called "Live Matchmaking with Aleeza Ben Shalom," which starts with her doing a monologue and continues with an unfiltered Q-and-A with the audience. The last part is live matchmaking, which she brings up two men and two women in different age brackets.
"I tell the audience I'm going to train you because I'm training an army of matchmakers across the world," she says. "You are going to join Aleeza's army and we're going to help to do matchmaking, and before we leave this room tonight, we're going to match these people on stage. I'm not going to do it; we're going to do it. And then we get to know them, by interviewing. We talk about values, politics, religion and more."
Aleeza and Gershon Ben ShalomBefore the evening ends, the audience members are asked if they have an idea of a match for someone at the end, and they swap phone numbers.
"Recently, I got a call from a man in Arizona who said, "Thanks for picking me and putting me on stage. I found my person and I'm dating them. This was just simply wonderful." 
In addition to the sold-out venues at college campuses and other major venues, Ben Shalom has been receiving a myriad of accolades. These include being named one of The Jerusalem Post's "50 Most Influential People," and being featured in The Wall Street Journal in an article entitled "Orthodox Jews Are Finally Having Their Pop Culture Moment."
Her goal for the future is a lofty one. "I want to change the world. My philosophy is that world peace begins at home. So, we have to start with a home, we have to start with a couple, and we have to bring people together," she says. "When we do that, we can build homes, and build communities, and you can't do this without each of us helping each other."
7 Top Tips for Dating After 50 from Expert Matchmaker Aleeza Ben Shalom
1. Dating is difficult. It's supposed to be this way. Don't expect it to be easy because you will be let down every single time. It's hard to find your soulmate. Life is a challenge; dating is even more of a challenge. Just go into it with an open mind and make love happen.
2. Are you flexible with location? Be clear if you are willing to move if you find the right person. If it is not, it does limit you, but it's okay to limit yourself if you know your restrictions.
3. Do consider a pre-nuptial agreement if you have children. If you have people and money to allocate in certain ways, it is extremely important that these issues are discussed.
4. For online dating, mix it up. Change your photos every three months and consider hiring a professional photographer. Because of the algorithm, you don't want to look and sound the same each time. You need to keep looking and sounding different to draw new people in.
5. Don't wait for the magic; make the magic. When you need help, reach out. If you need support, seek it out. Don't think that one day it will just magically happen. Things don't happen that way.
6. Be hopeful and never give up. Your person exists. They are in this world. Even if you previously had a soulmate, you always have the opportunity to meet and marry a new soulmate at any age. The oldest person I helped to match was 88; so keep trying.
7. Look for a high-quality person, because the inside never wrinkles. Be open to slow growth because not all relationships 'pop and sparkle' like we aspire to have them.


How to Date and Mate After 50, From the Host of  'Jewish Matchmaking'

Debra Wallace

When Army veteran Shawn Burchett spotted a puppy abandoned on the side of a highway in 2022, it changed the course of his life. Burchett and his wife Tricia rescued the pit bull mix, named him Beacon and brought him on their road trip.
Quinton and his service dog MolyBurchett suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and traumatic brain injury (TBI) from his time in the military, so Tricia looked into nonprofit organizations that help veterans train their pets to become service dogs.
They happened to be driving through Santa Fe, New Mexico, where the nonprofit Assistance Dogs of the West offers such a program. Burchett enrolled in a six-month training course to teach his dog skills like interrupting night terrors, applying deep pressure during heightened anxiety and retrieving medication.
Partner and Protector
It proved so helpful that after only a month, the couple decided to make Santa Fe their permanent home. Burchett credits Beacon with increasing his confidence to enter public places; if he becomes anxious, Beacon will lead him to a quieter space and calm him.
"When I first started training, I never really left my house much," Burchett said. "I definitely would not go to stores unless it was the quietest time of the day or right when they opened or closed.
A service dog graduate bonding with a vet"Now I can actually go out and feel confident that if I'm going to have an issue, Beacon is there to help me through that issue."
Due to TBI, Burchett's heart rate can fluctuate suddenly, and Beacon learned to recognize when his handler's heart rate starts to get too high or low. That way, Burchett can sit down before he passes out.
"The other thing Beacon does is seizure response, which includes taking my hand and rolling me over by pulling with his mouth," he said. "Or he will lick my face trying to wake me up."
Service Dogs Save Lives
Service dogs like Beacon make significant improvements in lives of military veterans across America, but many more could benefit. According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), America is home to nearly 20 million veterans, and 9.4% will have PTSD at some point in their lifetime.
"Participants living with a service dog . . . exhibited significantly less PTSD severity as well as less anger, anxiety, sleep disturbance and alcohol abuse symptoms."
The VA's 2023 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report found 6,392 veterans died by suicide in 2021 (the last year for which the agency has data).
"It will take all of us — working together — to end veteran suicide, and we will not rest until that goal becomes a reality," VA press secretary Terrence Hayes said.
He added that people with PTSD often have additional disorders such as depression, substance abuse, difficulty functioning in social and occupational roles and reduced quality of life.
There's hope. A 2018 pilot study found veterans with a psychiatric service dog experienced clinically significant reductions in PTSD symptoms, including lower depression, higher quality of life and improved social functioning, according to Steven Feldman, president of the nonprofit Human Animal Bond Research Institute (HABRI) in Washington, D.C.
"An additional paper resulting from this pilot study measured salivary cortisol awakening response in the participants, concluding that participants living with a service dog also exhibited significantly less PTSD severity as well as less anger, anxiety, sleep disturbance and alcohol abuse symptoms than those on the waitlist to receive a service dog," he added.
Feldman noted veterans often wait years to receive a service dog — something volunteers can help change.
Puppy Raisers Needed
One of the biggest needs at service dog nonprofits across the country is puppy raisers. These volunteers bring 8-week-old puppies into their homes and expose them to as many positive experiences as possible for around 16 months before they head to advanced training.
Joybound rescue dogs turned service dogsPuppy raisers are always needed at America's VetDogs, a New York-based nonprofit that provides service dogs at no cost to veterans, active-duty service members and first responders with physical injuries, PTSD, seizures and vision and hearing loss, according to Lorin Bruzzese, puppy program manager at America's VetDogs (and its sister organization, Guide Dog Foundation).
Bruzzese has personally raised five puppies and said it is fun to bring service-dogs-in-training to grocery stores, movie theaters and sporting events. Plus, the organization offers guidance and pays for all veterinary care and supplies, except for dog food.
"What motivates me is seeing both the dog and the veteran blossom. To serve our veterans is a nice way to give back to them for the sacrifices they've made for the rest of us."
"Our goal is to have a puppy who's just at ease anywhere and everywhere," she said.
There are many volunteer roles beyond puppy raising, according to Barrie Madasu, volunteer services manager at America's VetDogs. For instance, volunteers can join the "Taxi Team" to transport puppies from puppy raiser homes around the country to the nonprofit's New York headquarters, or to veterinary appointments. The nonprofit provides a vehicle and covers gas, tolls and other travel expenses.
Volunteers can also hang flyers recruiting puppy raisers, host fundraising bake sales and toy drives, or join the "Sewing Club" and work from home to stitch mats for puppy crates.
"The volunteers really take pride in making the mats look good," she said. "Especially when quilters donate, they have so many beautiful fabrics."
Stephanie Vogt at K9s For Warriors, a nonprofit that rescues dogs from animal shelters and trains them as service dogs for veterans with PTSD, TBI or sexual trauma at no cost, agreed that the need for volunteers is endless.
Large Support Crew 
For instance, volunteers who live within driving distance of the nonprofit's training campuses in Ponte Vedra, Florida, and Helotes, Texas (near San Antonio), can join the "Cooking for Warriors" program to prepare and drop off dinners for veterans staying in "Warrior housing" while they spend three weeks learning to partner with service dogs.
"The Warriors love it because they get a home-cooked meal," she said. "It shows them how the community really cares."
A Joybound service dog with a vetFreedom Service Dogs, a Denver nonprofit, has a dog-breeding program that provides service dogs to veterans and active-duty members of the military at no cost, so it is always looking for volunteers to work in the nursery to observe new mothers and their puppies in overnight shifts, Karen Perez, community engagement coordinator, said.
Volunteers also help socialize the Labrador and golden retriever puppies in the nursery by playing different sounds, turning on special lights, dressing the pups and wearing masks.
"Our volunteers help us get them used to different (stimuli) and build their confidence," Perez said. "From the day after they're born all the way to about eight weeks, we have something new for them every day."
Plenty of Work to Do
Susan Lee Vick, CEO of the animal welfare nonprofit Joybound People & Pets in Walnut Creek, California, said the group's "Shelter to Service Veteran Support" program — which trains shelter dogs to be service dogs for veterans with PTSD at no cost — always needs fosters and other volunteers.
Volunteers can exercise dogs, wash laundry, work on behavior training and serve as "matchmakers" for veterans looking to adopt a pet. (Pet adoptions are free to veterans; research found simply living with a pet dog can alleviate symptoms of PTSD.)
"We expect to nationalize this program and partner with local shelters to help place dogs into becoming 'Shelter to Service' dogs or veteran emotional support animals or pet dogs," she said.
Joybound's 2023 Volunteer of the Year, Sue Andrews, 63, is a retired teacher who donates her labor in several ways, from walking dogs once a week to photographing the relationship between veterans and their service dogs.
"When you see a dog is actually making a difference in that person's life, it just makes you feel so good."
One veteran told Andrews that since partnering with a service dog who can detect oncoming seizures, he's been able to get a full night's sleep, start a job and get engaged.
"What motivates me is seeing both the dog and the veteran blossom," Andrews said. "To serve our veterans is a nice way to give back to them for the sacrifices they've made for the rest of us."
Some service dog programs, such as Assistance Dogs of the West, offer ways for veterans to support other veterans. After training his own dog, Burchett joined that nonprofit's program, in which veterans train service dogs for other veterans with PTSD and people with disabilities. In addition to the therapeutic value of working with dogs, the veterans develop camaraderie and support one another.
The experience provides Burchett with "so much joy and happiness that I thought I'd lost forever."
"We're all veterans. It doesn't matter what branch of service — we've all gone through something and had similar experiences," he said. "And when you see a dog is actually making a difference in that person's life, it just makes you feel so good."
Further Information
If you or someone you know are contemplating suicide, call the free, confidential 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, or visit: 988lifeline.org.
To learn about PTSD treatments from the VA's National Center for PTSD, visit: www.ptsd.va.gov. Veterans at risk for suicide can also download the Safety Plan app by searching "VA Safety Plan" from the Mac App Store or Google Play.
Veterans interested in partnering with a service dog can contact the nonprofit Association of Service Dog Providers for Military Veterans for help connecting with local providers by visiting: servicedogs4vets.org.


Help Vets with PTSD Get Life-Saving Service Dogs

Jen Reeder

Within two years of my father's death, my 88-year-old mother began a romance with a religious hoarder she met at synagogue. Together they purchased a condo and signed a 30-year mortgage. For the next 10 years, I observed their blind optimism and uncanny enthusiasm with a mixture of delight and dismay.
Leah Blatt Glasser's mom, Mollie, and her companion BillThe condo became an unlivable hoarder's paradise just as my mother's heart failure drove us to line up hospice. Then I became the monster who separated these nonagenarian lovebirds by taking her to my home. Perhaps I was rescuing my mother from pending catastrophe, but I was also stealing away her autonomy and her daily love life.
Was it right to intervene? If caregiving is about giving care, was it wrong to care more about my mother's physical well-being than the fragility of this love affair? My mission was to pave the way for her peaceful death, yet I worried that I was now the source of heartbreak in my mother's last days.
My Mother's Relationship with Bill 
This is a tale about a late-life romance in conflict with daughterly love and the complexity of caregiving. Looking back to when it all began, I wonder if my motive for the rescue stretched beyond the question of safety. It had taken a full ten years for me to accept Bill and his many idiosyncrasies, and now I had an excuse to reject them at last.
This is a tale about a late-life romance in conflict with daughterly love and the complexity of caregiving. 
Upon the loss of my father, to whom my mother was married for 65 years, the enormity of the grief we shared became the center of our already intense bond. My mother was in such a state of depression that I brought her to live near me in Massachusetts. In turn, my mother persuaded me to come with her to synagogue to say kaddish, the Jewish prayer for mourners; she had sought counsel from our local rabbi instead of the bereavement therapist I had recommended because she believed it would help us heal, despite our usual secular history. And it was here that she met Bill, who was also saying kaddish for his wife.
Bad enough I had lost my father, but as Bill persuaded my mother to join him at the synagogue daily, I feared I was losing the woman with whom I shared so much. She soon had at the center of her life a new job at the synagogue office, a new enthusiasm for conjuring up a minyan (a group required for specific religious obligations) and a new man who sounded a little like the punitive rabbi of my Brooklyn childhood when he scolded my family for coming to synagogue only once a year. 
I struggled with Bill's entry into my mother's life, and consequently my own, because I could not imagine her with anyone but my father. And I needed her. She had always been my best friend, a savvy woman who listened well, loved me unconditionally and stood by me through any ordeal. Bill resented our weekly confiding sessions over breakfast because they didn't include him, and I resented his resentment. 
'A New Life' 
Yet I came to realize my mother's motivation to live on after my father's death had everything to do with her new discoveries with Bill. I began to respect my mother's courage in "choosing life," as she put it, with the support of the synagogue community and her new mahjong buddies as well as the starry-eyed love of the only eligible octogenarian Jewish guy in town who could still drive. Their union gave my mother, as she put it, "a new life," a second chance at loving and being loved in a partnership she had never anticipated.
Leah Blatt Glasser's parents My mother treasured her renewed independence once she had moved out of our house and into the condo she shared with Bill. She could prepare dinners in her own kitchen, play piano and make as many mistakes as she'd like, charm Bill to their mutual delight, and feel like she was still young and free in her 90s. Further, Bill was a source of emotional support on cold wintry nights when he would reassure her that they could count on each other to survive against all odds.
I remember the thrill in my mother's eyes when she spoke of Bill's attraction to objects.  Initially, she would block the doorway when Bill returned from one of his tag sale adventures, exclaiming "that's not coming in here!" Then Bill would take out a plastic bag with this or that piece of costume jewelry "just for her," and my mother would melt. Next time I'd see her, she'd be wearing the trinket and Bill would quickly say it only cost him a few dollars. Part of the delight was the bargain, of course, but part of it was the sheer love of pretty things, or things they saw as pretty.
Soon my mother joined in the madness. She would come home from Goodwill, an auction, or a tag sale, and tell me about the latest acquisition, this or that Lenox teapot for five bucks once worth $1500 and this or that painting.
It had been strange to watch my mother's steady transformation in the presence of Bill. 
It had been strange to watch my mother's steady transformation in the presence of Bill. She became increasingly radiant with each of their adventurous purchases. Of course, Bill had a house of his own packed with objects of all kinds as well as a packed storage unit, but now her condo was the receptacle for a whole new accumulation of things large and small. 
At the end of their 10 years of companionship, years in which they attended concerts and lectures on nearby college campuses, sang boldly together in synagogue, produced the synagogue newsletter, got paid for this work, went to auctions and tag sales to spend that money and enjoyed lunches at the senior centers nearby, my mother's health began to fail. She was 98 and Bill was 96.
Hoarding Out of Control 
Bill's hoarding intensified once my mother's heart condition worsened; she could no longer join him to stop at least some of the needless purchases. Despite the sea of statues lining the stairs, paintings, teapots, chachkas of all kinds, excess antique furniture and more, my mother still insisted stairs were good for her at age 98, but the stairs were an obstacle course even for the most physically fit.  The nurses couldn't get to her oxygen tank, let alone to her, without fear of injury.
As she became weak due to heart failure, she described how they would lie in the bed together and listen to classical music while holding hands. Then in the face of her pending death, hospice nurses refused to enter the condo, expressing concern about my mother's safety in such a cluttered environment.
When I walked in, I saw that objects had vastly accumulated, now covering every inch of floor, table and staircase. 
One evening toward the end, a nurse bumped into one of Bill's Greek statues on the floor, and this caused a porcelain clown on the cluttered table just above to crash to the floor in a splash of colorful pieces. Bill had a tantrum, and my mother called me to come help her calm him down. 
When I walked in, I saw that objects had vastly accumulated, now covering every inch of floor, table and staircase. My mother was struggling to breathe, and Bill looked both terrified and angry. I decided in that moment that I would convert my dining room on the first floor into a bedroom and bring my mother there for her final days. But I also knew that these were to be her last days with Bill, and I suspected that their love is what kept my mother alive up to this point.
I didn't kidnap her right away. My mother asked me to spend the night and see how Bill was in the morning. Perhaps she thought I could help get rid of a few things so the nurses wouldn't complain. But with one look at all the glassware, chess sets, stuffed animals and paraphernalia, I knew I was not equipped to do so, nor did I feel Bill could handle it. Even my mother was worried about her difficulty breathing and about Bill's rage over the broken clown.
The guest room where the author and her mom spent the last night in the condo, taken when she was allowed back in to retrieve a few sentimental things of her mother’s after Bill’s death.That night, I found my mother's medication under a pile of sweaters and T-shirts from Goodwill, handed her the pill and a glass of water, and then moved her and her oxygen tank into the room across from the one she shared with Bill. I figured we'd the spend the night and reassess in the morning.
All the while, I repressed the thought that I was losing my mother. We were told there was nothing that could be done, that neither surgery nor medication could save her at this point. The person who had been my best friend until Bill came along, the one with whom I had shared my darkest secrets, was soon to die. But I had no time to dwell on that loss. I was too busy worrying about how my presence was being perceived. 
I was the czar of order, attempting to change their lives, separating two old lovers from their last stretch of time in each other's arms. I would be the source of my mother's loss of autonomy and would be tearing her away from this man she loved. Bill called me "Miss Ph.D.," an "intruder," and that's exactly what I was. Yet I saw no alternative.
My mother's guest room, our bunker for the night, was another hoarding disaster. For us to get into the bed, I had to move countless papers, objects, small and large jewelry boxes, shirts, lamps without lamp shades and large velvet or plastic bags of costume jewelry aside. We figured we'd stay there until Bill calmed down.
I would be the source of my mother's loss of autonomy and would be tearing her away from this man she loved. Bill called me, "Miss Ph.D," "an intruder," and that's exactly what I was. 
I knew that his rage was not solely about the threat to his objects, but about the reality that he was about to lose my mother. She was dying, and in these final days, she would not be there by his side.
My mother had a bag of potato chips stashed under the bed. "It will calm us down," she said, and we munched away while watching an old movie on the tiny T.V. set by the bed: Doris Day was flirting with Rock Hudson in "Pillow Talk." 
I thought about how striking it had been to see my mother in a torrid romance in her 90s — her delight in flirting with Bill as he tenderly held her hand or caressed her shoulder. We shared some muffled giggling, thinking Bill was listening at the door as we discussed his hoarding obsession and consequent tantrum. How bizarre the whole situation had become! It was like we were in a bad movie, my mother said, hiding out, trapped in the guest room.
The whole sleepless night seemed endless. In the morning, Bill was waiting for us in the kitchen, still seething, but quiet. I explained that I had no choice, that I couldn't leave my mother there with him if the nurse would no longer come. Bill glared at me and blurted out, "I can take care of her! We don't need those clumsy nurses. How could you do this to us?" and to my mother, he said, "She's trying to split us up, Mollie. It's me or your child. You decide!"
The Sadness of Her Final Days 
That last sentence was the turning point for my mother. She had always been and would always be my mother. No one could ever ask her to make that choice. She packed a little overnight bag. I held my mother's hand with one hand and the oxygen tank with the other. It was clear her heart was breaking. While I was screaming inside at the thought of my mother's pending death, their focus was only on their need to be together, warding off all the hardships of old age, let alone terminal illness and death.
On that nightmarish morning, I did move Mother to my home. I invited Bill to visit daily, but that wasn't the same for him. It marked the beginning of the finality of loss. He was losing his housemate and, as he put it, the love of his life. My mother reassured him, despite the odds, that she'd be back, and nothing could part them. Sadly, hoarding did, as did her death in just a few days from our departure.  
In those final days of my mother's life, Bill visited and sat by her side. My mother, weak and short of breath, would make sure she was wearing her best blouse (a silk one Bill had purchased for her from the Salvation Army), some tasteful costume jewelry, large clip-on earrings, also a gift from Bill, and a dangling bracelet. Bill would not let her doze when he visited, telling her she could not allow herself to give in.
Leah Blatt Glasser and her momMy mother seemed to join Bill in her resistance to her own frailty and the inevitable process of dying, or at least to let him persuade her to join in the fight. When I asked them to wait in the den while I prepared and then brought them lunch, Bill convinced my mother to rise and attempt to walk with him into the kitchen, using one walker. "Don't let her turn you into a vegetable," he muttered. 
I heard a scream. Both Bill and my mother had fallen, and a wound on my mother's arm had opened. She was bleeding profusely. I began to shout at Bill uncontrollably, "Get out of my house!" — and suddenly realized I was screaming at a 96-year-old man who had fallen! I checked that he was not injured and quickly sent him home. 
Inevitably, my mother yielded, and so did Bill. She died the next morning. When Bill returned, he thanked me for not letting her die in a nursing home, as they both had feared could happen, and we forgave each other.
Now I remember my mother's eyes when she anticipated Bill's arrival, or the way she marveled at some of the objects he brought into their home. Of course, she would tell him to put things in storage rather than keep on cluttering, but she also loved to look at each new thing he purchased and made some purchases of her own. 
My mother always loved to hear me play piano. It was thanks to her that I began piano study as a child. On the last night of her life, I played one of Schubert's last sonatas, composed with Schubert's knowledge of his impending death. For me, it summed it all up with its conflicting sounds: my love for my mother, the love between my mother and Bill, caregiving heartbreak — all that sweetness of life in the major key mixed with ominous shifts to the minor key. It captured the sweetness of love as well as the painful knowledge of pending loss that made the sweetness that much sweeter. 
Perhaps their object acquisition was a way of fighting the good fight together.  My mother had never been to an auction before she met Bill, but their mutual delight in new objects was exciting for her. Hoarding parted them on the brink of her death, but I realize now that their shared delight in new objects also united them in the belief that they could live yet one more day together to appreciate yet another shopping expedition.


Until Hoarding Do Us Part

Leah Blatt Glasser

As we were growing up, my parents let it be known to my sisters and me that they did not ever want to be placed in a care home. I did not realize it then, but they were like many Americans who want to "age in place" in their home and community.
According to the National Poll on Healthy Aging from the University of Michigan, 88% of people between the ages of 50 and 80 said it was very or somewhat important to them to live in their homes as long as possible.When my parents, in their late 70s, became ill with several chronic and terminal health ailments, my sisters and I worked to support them and honor their wishes to age in their home.
According to the National Poll on Healthy Aging from the University of Michigan, 88% of people between the ages of 50 and 80 said it was very or somewhat important to them to live in their homes as long as possible. When my parents, in their late 70s, became ill with several chronic and terminal health ailments, my sisters and I worked to support them and honor their wishes to age in their home.

Like many adult children and family friends new to this process, we were unaware of everything we did not know about the complexity of safely aging in place and the available resources. 
First, we added some safety features to their home and eliminated tripping hazards at their house. For example, we improved lighting, reduced clutter, and eliminated scatter rugs that did not have rubber backing. For more tips, see the National Council on Aging's resource guide to minimize falls. Here are a few other things I came to learn:
Align Health Systems
Before the end of their lives, we visited nearly every hospital emergency department in our area. We spent marathon days and nights wandering through the medical maze of the U.S. health care system. My parents and I had not considered the affiliations of their chosen physicians. 
According to National Council on Aging research, nearly 95% of adults 60 and older have at least one chronic condition, while almost 80% have two or more. As such, a loved one might need their specialists to work together to review their case. Even if they are aging at home, they might be hospitalized at some point(s).
Often, coordination of care is very challenging. If one specialist is affiliated with one hospital system and another specialist is with a different one, it is more difficult for the patient and their loved ones to get timely consultations and answers. This can get more complicated as more of the body's systems (cardiology, pulmonary, neurology, etc.) and more specialists are involved. 
Physicians from the same hospital system can more easily review digital records, and there isn't a need for duplicate tests. This can save time and money and streamline the hospital discharge protocol.
Be A Vocal (and Polite) Advocate
Being a vocal advocate can help your loved one immensely. This takes time from your responsibilities to attend and be a notetaker during doctor appointments. This also means assisting loved ones in entering their health portals and following up on test results, additional appointments and billing questions.
Like many adult children new to this process, we were unaware of everything we did not know about safely aging in place and the available resources.
It is beneficial to have a family member stay with the hospitalized patient as much as possible so this person can know what is happening and can "catch" the doctor or specialists when they appear briefly during their rounds. Families can designate one person in the family as the point person to speak with physicians and communicate family and patient history succinctly if necessary.
Get Help
Resources are available for families. Health care personnel can provide recommendations for the best contact for specific issues. If a patient is hospitalized, they are assigned a social worker and a patient advocate from the hospital, and they can provide recommendations and assist with patient navigation. However, persistence is vital.
County and state agencies also offer a plethora of information on their websites and through their offices. Use the Eldercare Locator to locate services in your area.
Evaluate Your Options
Through my family's journey, we consulted with some of these resources but had grown frustrated with the lack of coordinated care. Eventually, we hired an independent resource specialist in aging and disability (paid by the hour) to help us evaluate the best course of action for longer-term care.
Familiar with our region, the consultant met with our family, listened to what was happening, and then listed our options, such as part-time or full-time home health care, assisted living, nursing home, and in-patient facility-based hospice. We visited several places, interviewed home health companies, and were better informed to make decisions. We settled on part-time home health aides to offset the family caregiving duties.
Each family's situation is different. Family dynamics vary. Ideally, families can work together to help loved ones. This is not always easy because everyone is overloaded with work and family commitments. For example, one of our siblings lived out of town, and I was a single parent of two teenagers.
Be Gentle With Their Spirit
Now, years later, I recall the many times I said, "Be careful," or "slow down" or "are you sure that is a good idea?" and I feel slivers of regret. Time has allowed me to see that while I had the best intentions (and my parents knew I was motivated by love), my words might have felt like I was robbing them of their agency. 
Preserving dignity and free will is essential to their spirit and the desire to continue living. I found that caregiving is a delicate balance between advocating for safety and not sending a message that makes the recipient feel like they are no longer an independent and valuable person.
Consider Quality of Life
As a family, we discussed health interventions and quality of life. Each person knows what that means to them and when treatment should be halted and palliative care initiated.
Allowing yourself to cry is okay, too
In time, my father and then my mother received hospice care. For Dad, my mother sensed when the end was near, and she reached out to hospice, which came and helped in his remaining days. As Mom's terminal cancer progressed, chemo treatments were stopped after numerous rounds and much deliberation. A hospice consult was scheduled. 
It was not an easy decision for Mom, but her condition had progressed to the point where more care was needed than the home health aides could provide. With hospice, no more hospital visits or doctor appointments were required, simplifying things. 
Hospice came several times weekly to check in on Mom, but other professional and family caregivers were also needed. She lived several months while receiving hospice, which could have been extended. The care she received made it possible for her to age in place as she wished, and for that, we are grateful.
Add Self-Care
When a caregiver is overwhelmed, it can be difficult to hear others suggest that you "take time to care for yourself." Exasperated, you might want to ask: Who has the time or energy? Yet, taking care of oneself allows one to care for others. 
Sometimes, this self-care looks like sitting down and drinking water to keep hydrated or eating a small meal or snack. It could be pausing for a few minutes between activities to breathe slowly and deeply or taking a brief nap. Phoning a friend or family member to vent can also be rejuvenating. Allowing yourself to cry is okay, too.
Find Peace (If Possible)
A time comes when there is nothing left to do but hold their hand and sit beside them to honor their experience and their life. Looking back, I know we carried out their desire to age in place the best we could, which is comforting even though I miss them dearly.


Lessons in Caregiving

Lisa B. Samalonis

People often use the expression, "It takes a village to raise a child." What if we applied that same thinking to older adults?
The U.S. is going through a major population shift. The country is getting older and remaining healthier longer. The youngest baby boomers are finishing their 50s this year, and roughly one in six Americans are 65 and older. Building a village for our country's older adults — comprising neighbors, community programs and friends who can support older adults as they age — is more critical than ever.
Many of AmeriCorps Seniors volunteers find that the companionship benefits both parties and supports aging in place.Like many Americans in mid-life, I often think about what my retirement years and beyond will look like. For me, aging in place is important, but so is staying involved with others, continuously learning and remaining engaged mentally and socially. When I'm ready for my "second act," I know that local programs through AmeriCorps Seniors will help me stay connected, either as a volunteer or as the recipient of those volunteer services.
For me, aging in place is important, but so is staying involved with others, continuously learning and remaining engaged mentally and socially.
What is AmeriCorps Seniors? 
You may have heard of AmeriCorps, the federal agency for national service and volunteerism that provides opportunities for Americans to address the nation's most pressing challenges, improve lives, better communities and strengthen civic engagement by volunteering locally.
AmeriCorps Seniors is designed for volunteers ages 55+, offering three programs that allow older adults to serve and volunteer in their area. Through AmeriCorps Seniors, 140,000 volunteers log 47 million service hours yearly to help improve their communities.
In response to the aging population, AmeriCorps Seniors organized the Senior Companion Program. This effort matches adult volunteers who are 55+ with older adults or those with disabilities who may need extra help with daily tasks such as shopping, paying bills or driving to appointments. Volunteers may also provide respite support for family caregivers.
Volunteers can serve up to 20 hours per week in this program and often develop strong friendships with their match.
The Benefits of Being a Senior Companion 
Many of our AmeriCorps Seniors volunteers find that the companionship benefits both parties and supports aging in place.
"You keep busy, you're doing something productive, and most of all, it's really nice to have the companionship."
"When you help others and do for others, you enrich your life," says Carmen, a California-based Senior Companion Program volunteer who spends each week helping older adults live happier, more self-sufficient lives through AgingNext. Her thinking is what drives a lot of our AmeriCorps Seniors volunteers. The Senior Companion Program offers volunteers a win-win: a way to use their extra time and compassion for good, while staying engaged in their community.
"Helping other people is one of those positive things. We're making the world a better place," says Vivian, a Senior Companion Program volunteer based in Colorado. Over the last few years, she's formed a friendship with Bernice, her match.
"For me, the program is really valuable. You keep busy, you're doing something productive, and most of all, it's really nice to have the companionship. Bernice has become like a family member," she says. 
Staying Physically and Mentally Well
Through AmeriCorps Seniors programs, volunteers and recipients can mitigate anxiety, depression and physical ailments.
Earlier this year, the Surgeon General released a report on the epidemic of loneliness and isolation in the United States. Older adults were cited as the most susceptible to the negative physical and mental health impacts of loneliness. The report even stated that the lack of social connection can increase risk of dementia by up to 50%.
"Life is a journey. We all have a purpose. Define your gifts and talents and use them to serve."
A study by AmeriCorps found that 84% of volunteers report stable or improving health after one year of service, and 88% of volunteers who described a lack of companionship reported decreased feelings of isolation after two years of service.
Above all, volunteering establishes a sense of purpose. As we age, careers come and go, children may leave the "nest" and some daily commitments dwindle. But our later years present a renewed opportunity to dive into new friendships, hobbies and activities. As Senior Companion Program volunteer Carmen says, "Life is a journey. We all have a purpose. Define your gifts and talents and use them to serve."
Become Your Community's Solution 
AmeriCorps Seniors offers an accessible solution to the challenge of keeping older adults engaged and aging in place with dignity. Let this be your moment to redefine your retirement and help older adults live more fulfilled and independent lives. In addition to the Senior Companion Program, AmeriCorps Seniors offers two other programs to help you "be the village" in your community if you're 55+. 
The Foster Grandparent Program matches volunteers with area youth needing tutoring, guidance and the support of a caring adult. You may find yourself helping with homework, caring for premature infants or mentoring a class of students. 
AmeriCorps Seniors RSVP is another program designed to meet critical community needs. Volunteers may help with opportunities aligned with their interests and skills like disaster relief, delivering meals, building homes or local clean-up efforts.
We're all on the path of aging. For me, I look forward to a meaningful second act driven by service.
To find an AmeriCorps Seniors opportunity near you, check out our Pathfinder tool.


Becoming 'The Village' for an Aging Population

Atalaya Sergi

Grandparents are extraordinary people; there's no doubt about that. However, not everyone gets the chance to be a grandparent in the typical sense of the word. In her article, "I Will Never Be a Grandparent," Barbra Williams Cosentino beautifully articulates the emotions of those like me who will not have the opportunity to become a grandparent.
Reading is one of the activities that AmeriCorps Seniors do with young people.I guarantee there are children in your community that need the extra love, mentorship, and wisdom that can only come from an older adult or "grandparent-like" figure.
As we age, many of us envision some form of grandparenthood, even if being a parent was not in the cards. Realizing you may not have the "traditional" grandparent role may bring complicated emotions.
Or perhaps you do have grandchildren, but they live far away, so being involved in their lives in person more than once or twice a year is not possible.
If the opportunity to be a grandparent didn't happen for you as expected, either by choice or circumstance, there are still ways you can cherish, uplift and make a positive impact on the life of a child. And I guarantee there are children in your community that need the extra love, mentorship and wisdom that can only come from an older adult or "grandparent-like" figure. This is where volunteering with AmeriCorps Seniors comes into play. I, for one, am looking forward to joining the ranks upon my own retirement.
What is AmeriCorps Seniors? 
You may be familiar with AmeriCorps, the federal agency for national service and volunteerism, that provides opportunities for Americans to address the nation's most pressing challenges, improve lives, and communities, and strengthen civic engagement by volunteering locally. 
AmeriCorps Seniors, designed for volunteers ages 55+, offers three programs that provide opportunities for older adults to connect with their communities. Every year, more than 140,000 AmeriCorps Seniors volunteers make giving back an important part of their "second act."
The AmeriCorps Seniors Foster Grandparent Program connects older adults with children and youth in their local communities who require extra support and guidance from trusted adults. Volunteers mentor and guide children to higher academic achievement and social or emotional development, helping them succeed through one-on-one tutoring and mentorship.
Our member Sally, for example, has been an AmeriCorps Seniors volunteer at Central Lake Elementary School in Central Lake, Michigan since 2018. She was the first AmeriCorps Seniors volunteer at the school and has worked to build students' self-esteem and be a friend when they need one. When she noticed a few kids were left out or felt excluded at lunchtime, Sally started a Friendship Club. Students can join her at lunch to share a meal and play games together while also making connections with other classmates.
Volunteers are Committed 
When the COVID-19 pandemic began, it changed how AmeriCorps Seniors could serve in schools, youth centers and community spaces. Sally didn't let it deter her commitment to the students, however, and began connecting virtually with her students and offering support through video calls. 
"When I am online with the kids, we are either working on counting or reading from a book. We both have the same book, so they read to me, and I help them sound out words," explained Sally. While she initially felt called to serve her community, "Grandma Sally" received so much more in return – the love and friendship of her students.
Becoming a Foster Grandparent 
Your time and life experience can bring so much value to kids' lives. Reading a story, completing homework or simply chatting one-on-one can help them feel seen, heard and understood.
Volunteers are connected with local schools, early education facilities, after-school organizations or other youth organizations. As a volunteer in the Foster Grandparent Program, you are paired with a "grandchild" according to your skills or experience. Your role could include caring for premature infants, helping students with schoolwork, assisting children with disabilities or mentoring teenagers and young mothers.
Helping children in your community provides many of the rewarding joys of being a grandparent.
AmeriCorps Seniors volunteers in the Foster Grandparent Program serve between five and 30 hours each week and may qualify for a small stipend for their time. Other benefits include:
Improved health and wellness. AmeriCorps Seniors volunteers experience decreased anxiety, depression and loneliness. 84% of volunteers report stable or improving health after one year of service.Self-improvement and new skills. Daily service allows volunteers to build on the skills they already have and develop new ones.Community. Connect with others and be part of something bigger. 88% of our volunteers who felt a lack of companionship reported fewer feelings of isolation after becoming an AmeriCorps Seniors volunteer.Helping children in your community provides many of the rewarding joys of being a grandparent. It can also provide a deeper sense of purpose and connection to your neighborhood and area. But don't just take my word for it; AmeriCorps Seniors volunteer Priscilla gets back as much as she gives to her students at Shiwi Ts'ana Elementary School in Zuni, New Mexico.  
"My motto is, 'there is never a never.' You can always accomplish something. They're teaching me, and at the same time I'm teaching [them]," says Priscilla, who's been with the program since 2016. Serving in the classroom allows her to provide a generational perspective for the kids. As a Zuni Native American, Priscilla shares her language with the students, something they love. Between the kids and Priscilla, they share "both traditional and modern ways of living."
Connect in Your Community 
The AmeriCorps Seniors Foster Grandparent Program offers that "grandparent role" you may have wanted to fulfill for a while. If you do have grandchildren of your own but they live far away, you can connect with kids right in your neighborhood. The program will put you into your community, helping you to make connections and deepen your sense of purpose.
I personally look forward to answering the call of service as my "second act" upon retirement. And if you have love in your heart and some time on your hands, you should answer the call, too.
To find a Foster Grandparent Program in your area, check out the AmeriCorps Seniors pathfinder tool.


It's Never Too Late to Become a Grandparent

This content is sponsored by IncyteThroughout his childhood, Pedro – an attorney, husband, and father of two – suffered from various autoimmune-related conditions. Following a successful liver transplant in 2020, Pedro's hopes for a healthy future took an unexpected turn – he was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma (CCA), an aggressive and rare cancer formed in the bile duct. Within two years, Pedro's life was upended as the disease metastasized to his lungs and peritoneal area. The diagnosis left the family with many questions and led them on a journey from their home in Puerto Rico to Houston, Texas, as they fought for the answers, support and care they so desperately needed.
Many people living with rare cancers like CCA and their caregivers will understand this experience all too well, spending years making sense of unpredictable and nonspecific symptoms before receiving a diagnosis. But for Pedro and his wife Ángela, the resources and support found along the way were invaluable.
To honor the dedication of caregivers like Ángela during November – National Family Caregivers Month – the family shares their story, as well as raises awareness of the issues many families face when living with rare cancers.
What is cholangiocarcinoma?
CCA is a rare and often overlooked cancer that forms in the bile ducts, tubes that connect the gallbladder and liver to the small intestine. These ducts carry bile, a fluid made in the liver that helps with digestion.
This rare condition accounts for only 3% of all gastrointestinal cancers, appearing mostly in people over 60 years of age, and occurring slightly more often in men than women. Only about 8,000 people are diagnosed with CCA in the U.S. each year, although there may be more cases that go undiagnosed. Because of its non-specific symptoms – which may include abdominal pain, fatigue, and weight loss – receiving a CCA diagnosis can be difficult and often happens at an advanced stage, when the prognosis is poor. Most patients visit their doctor to address initial, non-specific symptoms, only to undergo extensive testing to eventually discover they may be living with CCA.
For both people living with CCA and their caregivers, this process of receiving a diagnosis and educating oneself about the disease can be extremely difficult. "There's a lot of work that we do for our loved ones living with this condition, there's also a lot of education that we need as caregivers," Ángela shares. "The emotional toll can be a lot for Pedro and our family, so it's my role to be present, to gather as much information as I can during medical appointments, then go back home and research and try to clarify the information we received. The education that caregivers carry with them is a way of surviving this process."  
Partnering with a healthcare team to determine an individualized management plan 
As part of this education, it's important for both those living with CCA and their caregivers to have proactive conversations with their care team to create the best management plan based on their individual goals and needs. Through diagnostic methods such as molecular profiling (also called "biomarker" testing), healthcare professionals (HCPs) are able to examine tissue from a patient's body to gain more information about their cancer. By understanding CCA at a molecular level, HCPs can better understand the condition, risk factors, morbidity factors, and characteristics found in the cancer cells. This information can help HCPs to build a tailored care plan. It's important to speak to the care team about biomarker testing early in one's diagnosis, as this information can help inform treatment options best suited for one's condition and current health.
Biomarker testing informed Pedro's management plan. For Pedro these results were ultimately what helped advance his care in Houston. "When my care team evaluated my biomarker results, they spotted right away five or six markers that were targetable. That changed my whole outlook because it provided us with hope and that something could be done," Pedro shares.
Ángela elaborates, "Biomarker testing was a total game changer for us. We felt hopeful. We felt like we had options, and now when we meet other patients with cholangiocarcinoma, the first thing we ask them is, 'Have you done biomarker testing?' Because we know what a difference that can make in the treatment plan."
Embracing the CCA community as a resource
When confronted with a lack of information and the need for additional support, Ángela and Pedro have turned to the CCA community as a valuable resource for their family. Patient advocacy groups like the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation (CCF) leverage experiences and knowledge from the broader CCA community that can help patients and caregivers as they navigate their diagnosis.
"There are a lot of people going through the same situation, feeling totally isolated and alone in the process. So, it's important to tell our story and invite people to tell theirs, to find ways as a community to support patients and caregivers that are going through this situation," Ángela explains. "There are many ways to make this happen through the CCF – being part of their support groups, offering yourself as a resource for others who are facing this diagnosis for the first time, advocating within your community. It's important to let others know what you're facing and share how they can help."
Advice for Others in the CCA Community
Today, through the support of Ángela and the CCF, Pedro is able to spend his days with his family, enjoying their favorite hobbies together – reading books, watching TV and building toy structures. "It's important to know that cholangiocarcinoma does not need to be your entire life," he shares. "I've learned to deal with it by being present for my loved ones and finding time to do the activities I love with the people I love."
"It has been a huge learning curve and humbling experience to learn how to relax and trust the process. We don't know what's going to happen in two months, three months, so let's just deal with what's happening now," Ángela adds.
According to Pedro, "Ángela is my hero – she's the hero of our whole family. I let her know every chance that I get, that her role in this journey is vital, it's critical and I really appreciate it."
For more about Pedro and Ángela's story, visit  www.facebook.com/testmycholangio.
For additional information and resources on CCA, visit TestMyCholangio.com and cholangiocarcinoma.org.
The content presented in this article is not medical advice and should not replace a conversation with your Healthcare Professional, who is the best source of medical information about your individual diagnosis and management plan.
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© 2023, Incyte. MAT-ONC-00223 10/23


Celebrating the Power of Caregiving During National Family Caregivers Month

By the mid-1990s, singer-songwriter Joan Osborne had built a small but devoted following of fans, due in large part to her live performances as well as her debut album, "Soul Show: Live at Delta 88," which she'd released on her own indie label, Womanly Hips Records. 
Then, in 1995, everything changed. Her first major label album, "Relish," was released, and its lead single, "One of Us," became an instant hit, garnering Osborne five Grammy Award nominations, including Best New Artist, Album of the Year and Record of the Year.
Joan Osborne"It was," she tells Next Avenue, "the best of times and the worst of times." Though the major label deal, MTV videos, and seemingly overnight success had its benefits, including performances alongside Stevie Wonder and Luciano Pavarotti, a co-headlining spot on the 1997 Lilith Fair tour, and a musical guest spot on "Saturday Night Live," life in the spotlight wasn't a comfortable place for Osborne. In the years since the release of "Relish" she's put out 12 additional albums, none of which have reached the same level of commercial success — and that's perfectly okay with her.
"I feel like I've gotten to this place, and have been here for a while, that is pretty comfortable for me and that I like very much."
"Ironically," she says, "I've found that I have landed in this position, which was what I wanted back at the beginning — to have enough of a following and a fan base where I could continue to do the work that I am interested in without a bunch of people over my shoulder telling me, 'You gotta do this, you gotta do that.' And without that pressure of, 'We need the hit song.' I feel like I've gotten to this place, and have been here for a while, that is pretty comfortable for me and that I like very much."
Osborne recently spoke to Next Avenue about her newest album, "Nobody Owns You." An introspective collection of songs about love, loss and life's challenges, it is her most personal record yet. Over the course of a wide-ranging conversation, she discussed her discomfort with fame, her musical influences and the advice she'd give to her younger self.
This interview has been edited for clarity and length.
Though you'd been touring and building a following for a few years, once the single "One of Us" was released it exploded and really changed the trajectory of your career. What was that period like for you?
On one hand, it was incredibly gratifying to have all the attention and all the praise and all the people saying good things about the record. It felt like people were responding to the record in an emotional way, and that it had meaning for them; it wasn't just like a booty shake song or something. It had a deeper impact, and that's what you want as an artist — you want your work to reach people. So that was wonderful.
It was a bit uncomfortable for me as a person, because I felt like I had found this place where I was more in control of my career, touring all around and doing shows, building a following and having my own band, and making decent money. But stepping into this other world of the photoshoots and the TV performances — just feeling so exposed like that. I mean, I didn't consider myself someone who looked or acted like a person that I would see on television, or a person that I would see in a magazine. That sort of mainstream success was nothing that I was looking for, and I felt like an alien in that world. 
"I didn't consider myself someone who looked or acted like a person that I would see on television, or a person that I would see in a magazine."
I'm a private person, so it was weird to be recognized everywhere I went. I would go to the corner store and try to buy tampons, and people would be following me down the aisles. It was strange. I do have to acknowledge that without the success of that record, I probably would not have had that kind of big push which I'm still benefiting from today. But it was, just on a personal level, a bit like being forced to go back to junior high school again, dealing with all of that self-conscious stuff.
Your new album is deeply introspective. Can you share a bit about what's been going on in your life over the past few years, as you were writing and working on this collection of songs?
These songs are very personal. They come from a time that's been pretty turbulent in my personal life. My daughter is now grown and she's leaving for college, so there's that process of figuring out how to say goodbye to her and grieving her loss, but also being excited for her. My mother is beginning to show the unmistakable signs of Alzheimer's and dementia, which her older siblings had, and that is difficult, of course. I ended a 15-year romantic relationship, and that left me in a very raw place emotionally. And also, I turned 60 in 2022, so that's a moment where you take stock of your life and you think back about all the things that have happened to you. So it all comes from that perfect storm, if you will, of different things happening all at once.
According to the press release for the album, the title track was written as a message to your daughter. But as I was listening to it, I wondered how much of it was written as a message to yourself, that "nobody owns you."
Well, I think the reason I can say that to her is because I know it for myself, and if I am restating it for myself, too, then I think it's just because I've lived to understand that. I say this when I introduce it in a live setting — she has no interest in hearing anything that I am saying to her right now. [Laughs] She is not listening to any of my advice, my words of wisdom, that could make her life so much easier and save her so much trouble and suffering. Which is appropriate; what she needs to do now is separate from me. But I can put that in a song and then it's waiting for her whenever she is ready to listen. And in the meantime, anyone else who needs it can have it.
Joan OsborneThe song "Secret Wine," which you wrote about your mother, is heartbreaking. I watched my grandmother succumb to Alzheimer's, so I understand how devastating it is. What was it like for you to put those words to paper and record it for the album?
"Secret Wine" is a sort of prayer for [my mother]; if these things were being taken away from her, I pray that maybe there's something else that can arise in their place, that can be a comforting thing for her. In a way, it's like those Tibetan prayer wheels that every time you spin them, the prayer is said, whether you're speaking it or not. I put these thoughts and these hopes in a song and then every time it's played, either on somebody's stereo at home or me performing the song live, it's like spinning that prayer wheel and letting that prayer go out into the world. It's hard to do, but on the other hand, once you've faced those fears within yourself and tried to turn them into this positive hope, then the more people who hear it, the better. But it is scary to think about. I mean, you saw with your grandmother, it's frightening to see someone disappear in front of your eyes.
It's awful. If it's okay to ask, how are you doing with all of it?
My mother lives in Kentucky, and I haven't lived in Kentucky for a long time, so I definitely am wrestling with some guilt of having chosen to not be in the same city that she's in. Now that my daughter is going to college and I don't have to be around for her, I'm planning on spending more time in Kentucky to be with my mom. But we all carry that child within us, and it's disappointing to be in the presence of this person who always meant certain things to you and always could be certain things for you, and to seek that again and it's just gone. I mean, this isn't about me, it's about her. But that is a part of this that is hard — to seek something in someone that doesn't exist anymore.
"It's disappointing to be in the presence of this person who always meant certain things to you and always could be certain things for you, and to seek that again and it's just gone."
In addition to the personal songs, there are a few political ones, as well. The first single off the album is "Great American Cities." How did that track come about?
I travel a lot. And inevitably, I'll be sitting in some airport or bar or something, and there will be a TV playing and there will be these pundits who are running down American cities and saying all this stuff about, "They're crime ridden, they're dangerous." And I sit there and I'm like, "You are in your air conditioned studio, and you're gonna go from there to your air conditioned town car with the tinted windows and be driven by your chauffeur to your gated community. And you don't know these places, because you don't go there." I go there, and I see and understand that, yes, they have problems, but they're also full of the energy and joy and life that is a huge part of what America is. So that was my rebuttal to people who are running down American cities. I don't think they really know what they're talking about because I think they don't experience these cities in any but the most abstract way, because they never go there.
I read the essay you wrote for "No Depression" in 2020 in which you talked about Bob Dylan's influence on your last album, "Trouble and Strife." Were there any particular musicians that influenced this new album?
Yeah, absolutely. I was trying with this record to be direct and simple. I've written other songs that are more imagistic and sort of magical realism, and [with] this one, I just wanted to state very plainly what I was thinking and feeling. People who do that are people like Leonard Cohen, Lucinda Williams, [and] Hank Williams — people who are doing things in a very direct and simple way, and yet call forth very complicated emotions. We also listened to a lot of Feist. She's got these wonderful arrangement ideas and wonderful songs. She's a great singer; she was a real inspiration for this record. Also, Aimee Mann was a real inspiration for this record. You know, you're not necessarily stealing from people, but it's good to have this stew of different influences that you're playing at home and you're listening to on the subway or whatever, just to keep your mind in that place of, this is a way you can express yourself.
One of the things I've always loved about your albums is how different they all sound. "Trouble and Strife" has this AM radio kind of vibe, while this new album is more Americana. They all sound so different, even going all the way back to your first album. Do you go into a project with an idea of how you want it to sound? Or does it just organically happen?
I certainly have gone into the studio and said, "I want it to sound like this. I want this to be the sonic territory." And that will sometimes guide you. But sometimes the songs don't want to be that and they want to be something else. And if you listen to them, they will tell you what they want to be. That's something that I've learned, I think the hard way — that you have to listen to the songs instead of imposing your will on them. You have to allow them to blossom in the way that makes the most sense for them. So yes, you can say, "I want it to be an Americana record" or "I want it to be an R&B record," or whatever, and that can guide you. But you also have to let the songs be the ones that decide what they're going to be.
Given how personal this new album is, and all that you've had going on your life in the last few years, if you had to go back to the Joan of 1995, just before your career really took off, and impart some wisdom, what would you say?
[Long pause] I would say things that I probably knew even back then to be true: that you have to satisfy yourself before you can satisfy anyone else, and you have to drill down into the bedrock of your own self to get to the good stuff. You know, things that people will say that sounds cliché, but it's true. Write like no one's going to ever see or hear what you write because that's when you get to the good stuff. If you're worried about what this one or that one is going to think, or if you're worried about, "It's got to be a hit, it's got to be some artistic achievement," you're going to strangle the idea before it's ever born. So write like no one is ever going to hear or see what you do.


Joan Osborne on 'Nobody Owns You' — Her Most Personal Album Yet

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